10:29 AM
While driving yesterday, I reflected to myself on the beauty of South Carolina’s finest, Assfactor 4. On the day of that tragic break-up that I detailed earlier, I forgot that I also purchased Assfactor 4’s “Sometimes I Suck” 7-inch. It was good, but nowhere near as crushing and brilliant as the “Smoked Out” 7-inch.
Thinking about the 4 reminds me of my first job. I worked as a bus boy at a bed and breakfast across from the beach in Spring Lake, NJ. Every day I drove there blasting “Smoked Out.” I required something fast and punching to kick-start a rotten day of toil. The proprietor never trained me. That left me winging it as I went along. I spilled water on patrons, dropped cubes of butter in their laps and tried to hide in the back room or on the porch as frequently as possible. My coworkers and I stole food, a finger-full of cake here, a handful of fries there. I talked some to the waitresses, despite debilitating shyness. After three weeks, my older brother said they needed another guy on their aluminum siding crew. I quit and took what wound up being an even more agonizing mode of employment.
10:41 AM
Greg asked me yesterday how long I’ve been out of college. I answered: “Five years.” Has it been that long? As he commented, “What have I done since then?” Both of us have been productive, him with a hot indie record label, me with, uhhhh, well, let us investigate the matter: two salaried jobs, two wage slave jobs, five tours with this band, various writings in zines and magazines. Spoon told me that he ran into some old friends of ours. They asked the standard question: “So what are you doing now?” By that they mean “what is your job” and by asking that they seek to determine if you have risen above them on the social scale of income. He responded, “I work here, at this diner.” They laughed, and asked again, “No, really, what are you doing?” Poor Spoon is just trying to make ends meet and figure out what to do next.
We’re all figuring out what to do next. These days people live with their parents past 30, can’t find jobs that pay a livable wage and look up from beneath a mountain of debt they cannot hope to climb out from. These are hard times. Is having a “real job” any guarantor of security? Ask the downsized. I decided at my last real job that it would be my last real job. It crushed me. I wanted to be able to do what I’m doing right now. If I ran into those old friends and they fired the Question at me, how would they view the answer? Most people envy what we do. Despite the poverty, the uncertainty and the wear and tear, most people would love to play in a band and travel around the country.
Still, if we went to our high school reunions, what would our former classmates make of us? My high school reunion is this year. What would I say if I went? “I’m in a band that’s played over 100 shows in the past year, that’s put out albums and that’s toured the U.S., Europe, Japan and Canada. I’ve written a lot and work at a bookstore.” How would that be received? I don’t care. I stopped trying to impress people in junior high.
This reminds me of when I saw a friend of my older brother. He left Jersey for Los Angeles nearly 17 years ago to pursue an acting career. Only now is he beginning to acquire bit parts in semi-seen TV shows. He said to me, “I look around at my old friends here in Jersey and they’re old. They look beaten. They’re alcoholics or meth heads. They work heating and cooling. They’re dead. I never regret moving and going after my dreams.” Is that what I am doing? Chasing my dreams in the middle of Colorado with the screaming wind whipping icy rain against the van?
11:05 AM
I think part of my problem lately with some performances is a feeling of disconnect with the people watching us. I don’t feel any bond and I don’t try to forge one. That is my fault. Should I feel a connection with them? Not once on this tour have I addressed the audience, though I did on past tours. Part of me feels like I have nothing to say and part of me knows that I have nothing new to say. Sure, I could mention the war and the Bush junta and the greatness of DIY hardcore in the face of encroaching Clear Channel cooptation. But it’s been said. How do I talk and have it come out sincere and unique? I miss the idealism of my early days in this. I miss the feeling of community, of a movement. Now it feels more like the hollow shell of modern day communism, more like the aftermath of a bowel movement. We are in Kansas and just passed a tractor-trailer flipped on its side. That is real life, that is movement, or the lack thereof.
Sign upon entering this town: “Gorham, KS. Spud Whitman- Professional Bull Rider”
Monday, May 12, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
goodies powers/kleenkey/rubik/love is just jive turkey
best A4 songs.
johnny
My name is Nancy Andrade I was browsing internet and found your blog. The author did a great job. I will subscribe to your RSS feeds. Thank you for your contribution. I am a web designer myself. And here some examples of the websites that I designed for loans canada payday loans company.
Good Day! My name is Steven Gibson . instant loans
Hello! My name is Venita Davis . advance loans
Hello! Kevin Buckner . payday loans
loans toronto This website is the suitable I enjoyed reading it a whole lot
AAA Toronto Payday Loans 1172 Bay St #101, Toronto, ON M5S 2B4 (416) 477-2817
20151017 junda
ugg boots
michael kors outlet stores
Michael Kors Online Outlet Shop
michael kors outlet sale
Canada Goose,Canada Goose Outlet,Canada Goose Jackets,Canada Goose Sale
coach factory outlet
Christian Louis Vuitton Red Bottoms
tory burch outlet
Coach Factory Outlet Private Sale
michael kors bags
Ugg Boots,Ugg Boots Outlet,Ugg Outlet,Cheap Uggs,Uggs On Sale,Ugg Boots Clearance,Uggs For Women
mont blanc
michael kors uk
louis vuitton outlet
Michael Kors Outlet Real Handbags Online
oakley sunglasses,oakley vault,prescription sunglasses,polarized sunglasses,aviator sunglasses,spy sunglasses,oakleys,oakley canada,cheap oakley sunglasses,oakley frogskins,oakley holbrook,cheap sunglasses,wayfarer sunglasses,oakley standard issue,fake oakleys,oakley glasses,oakley.com,oakley prescription glasses,oakley goggles,sunglasses for men,oakley gascan,oakley store,oakleys sunglasses
air max 95,nike golf,nike janoski,air max 1,nike canada,nike plus,nike shox,nike factory store
Official Coach Factory Outlet Online Sale
Louis Vuitton Handbags Discount Off
Jordan 13 Shoes For Sale
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet online
burberry outlet
Canada Goose Jackets Outlet Online Sale
Buy Kobe Shoes Online Discount
ugg boots sale
cheap ugg boots
Louis Vuitton Outlet USA
true religion outlet
Oakley Vault Outlet Store Online
cheap oakley sunglasses
hollister canada
nba jerseys
miami heat
prada sneakers
oakley sunglasses wholesale
michael kors uk outlet
ray ban outlet
kobe 9
new balance shoes
pandora outlet
denver broncos
chanel outlet store
oakley sunglasses wholesale
mac cosmetics
nike mercurial
true religion outlet
michael kors online outlet
north face outlet
valentino outlet
mm1120
Post a Comment